


Intensity

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mass Effect 3, One Shot, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 03:53:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7829452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, Shepard has a very hard time remembering why she needs to make a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intensity

Glancing down at her side, Shepard’s brow furrowed as she pulled a blood-soaked hand away from her skin. She knew what that was supposed to look like, that plenty of deep, vibrant red should meet her eyes, but it simply looked dark and slick. Turning her gaze upwards again, she realized that the universe had lost much its color. Somehow, she found that small detail devastating.

As she stood there, dumbfounded and aching, the commander tried to wrap her mind around what was happening. None of this made any sense. None of this felt real. She wondered if she’d somehow been drugged or if she was simply trapped in a nightmare like she had been on countless other nights. If only she could wake up.

Many faces passed through her mind’s eye as she stumbled slowly forward, but they, too, had lost their vibrancy. Clearly her mind was already beginning to fade. It was a wonder she’d ever lasted this long. Shepard wanted to cry, in all honesty, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She wasn’t finished yet.

Desperation, anger, and a tiny fraction of hope fueled her clumsy steps, all while exhaustion and unspeakable anguish threatened to crush her where she stood. Her breathing was labored and shallow as she cast her gaze skyward once more. Why did everything look so strange?

She came to a stop, silently struggling with both the desire to crumble and the need to press forward to save everyone she loved. Everyone was in danger. The longer she idled, the more likely they were to meet their destruction. But she was so very tired, and so deeply lonely.

Shepard closed her eyes, refusing to remember her existence as this horrible, chaotic mess. She allowed herself a few precious moments to recall the things that made her happy, the things that had made life worth living. What were they, again? She couldn’t quite recall.

The first thing that came to mind, oddly enough, was a searing white. The day she woke up on the operating table in the Cerberus lab had never been among her favorites, but she had an odd appreciation for it now. It was so white that it had made her eyes hurt, but it was the day of her rebirth, the day she realized she’d have a chance to fix some things she’d left undone. It had been an unbearably difficult road since then, but she realized now that she was thankful it had happened anyway. She’d tried to make the most of her second chance.

She remembered a lovely blue-green hue, like the water and beautiful beaches of Virmire before Ashley died. What she wouldn’t have given to go back there, to undo her mistakes and snatch the gunnery chief out of danger… much to her annoyance, no doubt. She would have liked to go back to Virmire, to pay her respects and maybe spend a little time at the water’s edge when nothing was trying to kill her. It didn’t look like she’d have time for such frivolousness now.

A calming orange came to mind next, though before the apartment that Anderson had given her, she never would have associated the color with peace. The lights on the strip and the glow of the fireplace on a few quiet nights, however, seemed to make all the connection she needed to remember it now. It was a safe haven and a hell of a place to throw a party. Maybe its next owner would have better luck and live out a fun-loving life there.

She remembered green, and it reminded her of the Citadel. It should have been Earth, she knew, but being in the military for so long and travelling by ship on a constant basis had a tendency to skew things. Residents of the Citadel always tried to keep things lush and green where they could, particularly in the Presidium and the marketplace. It had a tendency to make people forget that they were constantly in danger lately. Even she had forgotten about their trials for a time, like when she met up with Kaidan at Apollo’s. Everything had been good in that moment.

Kaidan. She remembered the golden-brown hue of his eyes as he stared at her with such admiration that it made her chest ache even at the memory. That color and the intensity of his gaze had caused warmth to pool in her belly on countless occasions, and she tried to ignore the realization that she probably wouldn’t see those lovely eyes again. The fact that he existed was enough. She had to make sure that he survived this mess, that the silver creeping in at his temples would have a chance to spread. He didn’t always appreciate the tiny signs of his age, but she did. The thought of it brought a smile to her face despite the fact that she was sure her heart was breaking.

When her eyes snapped open with renewed purpose, she still didn’t see the universe the same way, but she remembered the vibrancy she once had known. She could see the lavender that reminded her of Tali. She could recall the icy blue that could only be the eyes of Garrus. She knew the standard gray t-shirt that James loved so much. She could appreciate the dark blue of Joker’s hat, and the fact that he was probably out there somewhere, swearing profusely right now.

She chuckled to herself, and it hurt. Still, she took a shaky step forward, then another, and another. It was difficult to remember specific instances, but she could remember the colors she’d once seen, and that was enough. She knew she probably wouldn’t have a chance to savor them again, the blue glow of her fish tank, the gentle flush of Kaidan’s skin under her fingertips, the silver sheen of the Normandy, but she appreciated them for what they were, and remembered why they were worth saving.

There was no way to guarantee that they would live, but she would gladly sacrifice anything they could to ensure that they had the best chance possible. Outlandish as this entire scenario was, it was better than the bleak outcome they’d been facing up until now. Shepard swallowed hard, straightened up, and pushed forward.

She remembered the colors. She agonized. She made her choice.


End file.
